Sunday, June 28, 2009
Ugh!
Well i have tried twice to write a post because i have had somethings happen that i really needed to work through but I have hit the wrong button twice and lost everything i wrote. Having to do this from my phone is a pain in the ass. I may try to go by the library this week
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Blog Posts
I am going to try and email to my blog from my phone so please excuse any typos. I have honestly been doing ok, i do still backslide every once in awhile. I think that is normal but I am anxious to know when it will end. I am really trying and doing the best i can. There are times when its easy and times where i am not sure how much more i can handle but I still manage to put on a smile and a good mood and act like i am happy with my life. Maybe one day it wont be an act anymore.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Long time, long way
Well its definitely been awhile since my last actual post. Alot has changed, mostly for the better. I found a place in Defeated that I can afford off my unemployment until I can get on my feet. Its a 2 bedroom trailer for $275.00 a month. It has well water so I don't even have a water bill! Its 10 minutes from the beach so the kids are loving that cause we spend alot of time there. Its kinda small but we can make it work until I am better situated and can get us back in or around Gordonsville.
Stephen is seeing someone now, she seems pretty nice, so I am happy for him. I am struggling with seeing her with my kids. Its really hard and its very shocking at the rage I feel just seeing her with them. Like last Sunday I met Stephen at walmart to get Jade and Piper, He didn't even warn me she was with them. I walk around the corner and see her pushing the cart with MY son in it and MY girls walking along side, and I swear it felt like someone stabbed me in the heart. It hurt so much more then anything i went through with the ending of my marriage. I can not stand the rage I feel so I talked to some others that have been through this and have been told its pretty normal, and that Stephen will go through the same thing when I start seeing someone. I think he thinks its about her, but its really not. They are MY babies, the only babies I will ever have.
Other then this, I am doing alot better then I was. I still have a small set back every once in awhile, but I think that's normal. I have an amazing friend who has helped me believe in myself more then anyone ever has, he has helped me see that I can get through this and I will be ok in the end. Its amazing how someone you have only known a few short months can have such an impact on your life. I really don't know how I would have gotten through the last couple months without him.
The kids are all doing good. School goes back July 31st, I'm not counting down the days this year lol I am really enjoying the summer with them and dread it being over because once it it I will no longer be a stay at home mom. I'm a little worried about having to do school clothes and supplies for 4 kids this year, since Anakin will be going to head start. The best news I have had in months though is Stephen has agreed to let the kids live with me during the school year! Their grades suffered at the end of last school year when they were going back and forth every other week. But I told him He can get them every weekend he wants them, one evening a week, and any school breaks that he wants them, to make up for him not having them every other week.
I don't have internet at home so updates wont be as often as I used to try. The kids are waiting on me now, we are going back to my place for breakfast and then back to the lake for the day.
Stephen is seeing someone now, she seems pretty nice, so I am happy for him. I am struggling with seeing her with my kids. Its really hard and its very shocking at the rage I feel just seeing her with them. Like last Sunday I met Stephen at walmart to get Jade and Piper, He didn't even warn me she was with them. I walk around the corner and see her pushing the cart with MY son in it and MY girls walking along side, and I swear it felt like someone stabbed me in the heart. It hurt so much more then anything i went through with the ending of my marriage. I can not stand the rage I feel so I talked to some others that have been through this and have been told its pretty normal, and that Stephen will go through the same thing when I start seeing someone. I think he thinks its about her, but its really not. They are MY babies, the only babies I will ever have.
Other then this, I am doing alot better then I was. I still have a small set back every once in awhile, but I think that's normal. I have an amazing friend who has helped me believe in myself more then anyone ever has, he has helped me see that I can get through this and I will be ok in the end. Its amazing how someone you have only known a few short months can have such an impact on your life. I really don't know how I would have gotten through the last couple months without him.
The kids are all doing good. School goes back July 31st, I'm not counting down the days this year lol I am really enjoying the summer with them and dread it being over because once it it I will no longer be a stay at home mom. I'm a little worried about having to do school clothes and supplies for 4 kids this year, since Anakin will be going to head start. The best news I have had in months though is Stephen has agreed to let the kids live with me during the school year! Their grades suffered at the end of last school year when they were going back and forth every other week. But I told him He can get them every weekend he wants them, one evening a week, and any school breaks that he wants them, to make up for him not having them every other week.
I don't have internet at home so updates wont be as often as I used to try. The kids are waiting on me now, we are going back to my place for breakfast and then back to the lake for the day.
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