Erasing the past.....

5 years ago I abandoned this blog and made a new one for the new life I had.  Well that life turned out to be not only false but painful and very damaging.  When I saw something the other day that mentioned a blog,  I remembered mine. I have since deleted the new life blog along with any posts on this one that led up to that one.  I am not one for regretting or erasing your past but the three years from April of 2010 to June of 2013, I would erase in a heartbeat.  I have removed every sign of that time possible and am basically down to fixing the tattoo on my arm and a few accounts that have been a pain in the button getting my name changed on.

When I read back through some of the posts on here,  I found it kind of funny how many times I swore I was finally ok,  I finally healed,  I was finally over the most tragic thing in my life.  I'm not quite sure you can ever completly get over something that shattered your world.  I've had that happen twice,  once with my first divorce and again in June of 2013. I know in the last 7 years I have come closer to finding myself than I ever have in my life,  but I have also come just as close to losing myself.

I know my struggle is not over,  I know I still have a lifetime of struggle ahead of me.  The only thing I know for sure, is I will make it.  I may feel like I'm losing it,  I may cry til I can't cry anymore,  but I will pull through it and I will make it.

I miss writing this,  I miss putting the memories I want the kids to know about into words.