Trip to New Jersey

So I had planned to write small notes and then put them all together when I get home, since I cant write a big post through my phone but I didn't do very well with the notes So I will just have to try to remember everything.



We left right before 11:00p.m Sunday night(3-22). We had to meet John(a friend of mines husband) at Keystop to give him my house and mailbox key so Chelsie could get my unemployment check out of my mailbox on Tuesday. I didn't want it sitting in there. Dad made fun of me and mom because it took us almost 30 minutes at the gas station to get situated in the car to where everything was in reach and we were comfortable lol. I tried to stay awake but I fell asleep and I woke up around 3:30 and we were in west Virginia. We got into New Jersey around 4pm.

The first day Uncle Stanley took us around Jamesburg where him and dad grew up! It was really interesting listening to them remember when they were young! I got to see alot!

I have waited to long to get this wrote out! lol I cant remember everything I wanted to put in here! And it may not be in the right order but oh well. lol

We spent 2 nights at Aunt Pats, the 1st night Leta, Aunt Loretta, Letas kids, Eddie and his wife and one of their daughters came over for dinner. It was great! I loved seeing everyone! I haven't seen any of them except Aunt Pat since I was in 5th grade! Later that night me, mom, Aunt Pat and Audie went to Karaoke, i tried it and sucked bad! lol I had trouble starting the song! Its alot harder then it looks! I didn't have near enough to drink in me either! lol It was fun though. After we got back we all decided we wanted Dunkin Donuts so Audie and I went back out after them. Audie told me some stories about our Grandma. He was old enough to remember her, but I wasn't. i was only 5 when she passed. he also told me about dad and Uncle stanley letting him watch Friday the 13th (I think, I cant remember for sure but it was a scary movie) when he was little and it freaked him out! lol I laughed so hard!

On Friday Uncle Stanley took us to the Ocean! I had a blast! I absolutely loved it! I got soaked and it was cold but it was awesome! I made the kids ocean bottles with sand, water and shells. I picked up so many shells my pockets on my jacket were full plus I put a bunch in the bag with the ocean bottles!

We went to Aunt Bonnies one night for dinner. I felt a little out of place there because I didn't remember any of them.

We left Uncle Stanleys Saturday afternoon so we could go through PA and stop and see Aunt Loveda and Aunt Trudy. I didn't remember them much, but remembered a little more after seeing them. Aunt Trudy looks just like the pictures I have seen of my grandmother! When we left that night, dad drove by where him and mom lived when I was born. I wanted a picture so I was standing in the rain barefoot in pj's in the middle of the road trying to get a good picture on my phone since it has no flash. lol Yes, I know im a little nuts! lol

All in all I had a great trip and had a blast! We came back a day early cause I missed my babies to much, I kinda had a little break down the night we went to Aunt Bonnies, so mom and dad said they understood. I am so glad we got to go and I can not wait to take the kids! I miss my family up there SO much!

Yes, finally updating!

So I didn't realize until the other day that I haven't updated on here lately, then I forgot again and remembered when mom said I needed to update! lol She checks it regularly now, she says cause I don't tell her anything so this way she at least knows whats going on with me. lol So mom this post is for you! lol

Let see where to start, ohh this is going to be a long one! lol

OK, so lets start with March 9th where I left off, this was not a good day. Stephen and I got into the biggest fight we have ever had in the almost 12 years we have known each other. I think it was good that we did in a way because we both started listening to what the other was actually saying, and we settled stuff about the kids that we were having issues with.

My birthday was great! I spent the night at Chelsie's that night before, she made me a cake and used a candle in a jar for a candle cause it was all she had! lol She made rice crispy treats and we also had some flavored ones cause we got a bag of the miniatures and I sorted them while she made the regular ones! lol When I woke up on my birthday I had a voice mail from Aunt Donna and Uncle Joe singing me Happy birthday! Then I got texts from mom, Meredith, Chris, Tanya, Aunt Shell, and a voice mail from Jeannie, All in that order! Yes, I actually know but only cause I locked the texts so they are still in my phone! lol Missy text the day after. And I just realized as I was typing this I never heard from my brother, ohhh Imma gonna kick his butt! lol Nah, I know he loves me anyway. Chelsie and I were supposed to go fishing but we had to wait on the direct TV guy but he didn't leave until 8:30 we were going to go night fishing but realized we forgot worms! lol Plus Chris was being a brat and talking about snakes and spiders trying to scare the crap out of us. It kinda worked!

I have been doing really good emotionally lately, I am happy. I am very pleased that going to church really helped, I have found the faith I was looking for and I know it is because I truly believe and not just because I need something to hold onto. I am still thinking of trying different churches, I would like to find a baptist church that I like. I know I am going to go to Merediths church with her one Sunday when I don't have the kids, since she lives in Murfreesboro, I don't think I can get us all up and ready early enough to get us all down there. I may actually end up seeing about just staying the Saturday night before with her, I'm sure she wont mind cause she loves me! (right Meredith? lol)

So I am kind of confused on something, so opinions are more then welcome on this. I have never dated, Stephen and I just kinda fell together we never went on a date before we were a couple. I have no clue as to what I am doing here, So here is the thing: I have a friend that I really like, he is a great guy, we talk quite a bit. He knows I like him and he has said he likes me but the thing is he is not ready to be more then friends, he had a relationship that didn't end so good not that long ago and he doesn't want to chance hurting me or ruining our friendship. I am OK with that and understand completely where he is at and don't want to push him into anything. I am glad that we are atleast friends, I do enjoy talking to him. Here is where the confusion comes in, I got asked out on a date for next Saturday! I didn't expect it so I am excited and I said yes. I would put the details about him but I will wait until after, since I have to call him tomorrow and tell him I can't go next Saturday because I will be out of state(I will explain that shortly). I don't know him very well so I don't know if I actually like him or if I am just excited about the fact I got asked out (which sounds really pathetic). That's what dating is right? To find out if you like someone? Is it OK to go out with one guy when you like another?

OK, about being out of state. Me, mom and dad are leaving tonight at 7:00 to go to New Jersey to visit my Uncle. We are staying until the 29th. Its kinda last minute so that is why I am up so late tonight, i have to pack and get ready, but got sidetracked with my blog! lol I am excited I haven't seen him in about 10 years. He is going to take us around the area where my dad grew up. While we are up there I am going to go spend a couple days with Aunt Pat too! She is going to take me to Karaoke Friday night! I'm excited.

The kids are all doing good, brats as usual. Chelsie and I took them fishing Tuesday at Edgar Evans, we didn't catch anything but they had a good time. We also took them up the tower! lol that was funny! They liked it until they realized it moved a little. Then they went to moms for part of this week. I missed them alot but it really helped because I got sick. I woke up the other morning and could barely breathe! I have been fighting a cough and congestion for about a month, I thought it was just bronchitis, which I get every year around this time and fight off with mucinex and Robitussin. Well it really scared me that I had so much trouble breathing so I went to the doctors. Turns out I had a bacterial infection in my lungs pretty bad. The doctor said if I had waited any longer I would have ended up in the hospital! So he gave me a shot of steroids and antibiotics and then gave me a prescription of both along with some cough medicine for at night to help me sleep.

Well I think that's it! Atleast that's all I can think of right now!

28 and more

Well, I will be 28 tomorrow, it has been one hell of a year. I never would have imagined I would be where I am when I turned 28, but you know what? I am really happy for the first time in almost a year! I am still worried financially, but I don't let it get me down to much. It feels SO good to be able to go to bed at night and actually sleep good without waking every hour, to be able to be alone without falling apart. There were seriously times where I didn't think I would make it through, but I have and I know I am a stronger person for having gone through everything I went through. I have found me again, I gave up a lot of who I was and the stuff I liked in the last 10 years. I don't blame Stephen for this, actually I blame myself, I was so wrapped up in trying to be the perfect wife that I wanted to be what I thought he wanted me to be instead of who I was. But I have made peace with all of that and I have learned from it. I know now that while I am far from perfect, I am me and I am a great person and I am very loved just the way I am! This is a lesson I will hold onto for the rest of my life and that I will try to make sure my children know and don't have to learn on their own.

I had an awesome weekend! The kids and I were on the go constantly and were outside and at the park as much as possible. So here is the run down lol:

Friday- I picked the girls up from school at 2, so we could go play at the park. I wasn't feeling real good, I think it was just a cold, but I wanted the kids to be outside for awhile. So they played while I sat there wishing I could just go to bed. lol Then Chelsie met us down there, we let the kids play until a little after 4. We came back to the house and got them settled and dinner made, I had a free code for Redbox so I had rented them "Horton Hears A Hoo" So they all got their pillows and blankets and had a picnic in the front room while watching their movie. Jades best friend (well twinkie in 5th grade language, yes that's what they call each other instead of best friends) Savanna came and spent the night so she could come to Anakins Birthday party Saturday.

Saturday- We got up around 8 and headed to walmart, yes me with 5 kids in tow lol (yeah, that was FUN!) to get the food for Anakins party. His party was great! He didn't get much but you know what? He didn't notice and I didn't care! So much of my family showed up that I was just tickled! It was awesome! I had a really good time and I think everyone else did. Aunt Shell and Uncle Jimmy brought up Pop-Pops Dryer for me and a TV(hey Aunt Shell! I just realized I still owe you $10 for that!) So I am VERY excited I now have a dryer and can do laundry! lol After everyone left Jade, Starla, Savannah, Piper(well a little) and I cleaned the apartment from one end to the other, it only took us 1 hour! It was awful in here! I was embarrassed my family saw it like that! Then as a reward for helping me we went to the park! We played and flew kites! Anakin even got his to fly! He was actually the 1st one to get it! Then we went to another birthday party, A friend of mines daughter shares a birthday with Anakin, she just turned 13. She had a cookout and a bonfire, the kids had a blast! Savanna ended up going with us and staying the night again. When we got home the kids settled down to a movie. Piper and Anakin passed out around 12 but Jade, Starla and Savanna were up until 2, I went to bed around 3:30(with the time change I was only up 30 min after the kids).

Sunday- I got up at 7am managed to get me and all 5 kids showered, fed and out the door by 9:50 to get to Church on time! I was SO proud of me! lol We went to Aunt Donnas church, I didn't tell her we were coming just in case I couldn't get everyone up and going in time, so I think we surprised her pretty good. We all enjoyed it. The girls and I all agreed we really liked there music. I wont have the kids Sunday, so I will be going back on my own. I hadn't been to church in years, seriously years! lol Actually, it was only the 2nd time since I was younger. It made alot more sense to me then it did back then. I found myself understanding what he was saying and finding meaning in it. I felt really good when I left. After Church we came home and got the kids changed and packed a lunch and went to the park for a picnic lunch and to play. We flew kites and played until almost 3 when the wind was getting to bad. Then we just came back here and hung out until time to take them to Stephen and take Savanna home.

So I didn't get to finish because a friend came by to use my pc. So after dropping them off I met Chelsie at Doller General, then we went and got something to eat and just hung out for awhile. Later I met a friend at the park and we just hung out an talked for awhile, it was fun. I had a good time! After that I ended my weekend by just coming home and relaxing! This weekend was great!

Believing

Well, most of my family know part of what I am about to say, but it was never something I told alot of friends. Back when the Left Behind books came out, I read all the way up to Assassins and instead of helping me believe, it actually gave me alot of doubts. And then 9/11 happened and it just made it worse. I never got to the point where I just didn't believe in God at all, I just wasn't sure what I believed and couldn't make a decision about it. So I just lived like that for the last, however many years its been.

This is coming out now because for the last couple months, I have been really trying to figure this out. I feel like I really want to believe and that with how my life has been the past year, I feel like I really need something to have faith in. But is that ok? Is that a bad reason to be re-thinking this now just because I feel the need to have faith in something? Or is that exactly how its supposed to feel?

I have been doing really well emotionally lately, and kinda feel like if I can reach a decision on this then I will be right where I need to be. I have been afraid of having a "false" faith, if that makes sense. How do I figure this out?

My son is an addict!

Ok, I now know how badly my son is addicted to bookworm! He was playing it and had to go potty, so here is how our conversation went:

Anakin: Mom, gotta go potty(while he is jumping up and down)
Mom: Well go then
Anakin: Ok, be right back (at this point he has started down the hall and then stops)
Mom: Anakin go potty
Anakin: (keep in mind he says this as seriously as can be) Mom dont touch anything! (and points to the computer!

so of course being the nice loving mom I am I turn and walk toward the computer. hehe He comes flying out of the hall and jumps in the chair and.....

Anakin: No mom its my turn! Dont touch anything
Mom: Would you go potty, I will give it back when you get back
Anakin: Promise?
Mom: yes, now go

So he finally went potty! lol

That was exactly what he was saying to me! Now does that sound like a child that just turned 3?!

Just rambling

How much bad luck can one person have? I think about that question alot. I believe everything in life happens for a reason, even the little decisions we make on a daily basis effect us more then we realize. So now I am wondering maybe its not bad luck, maybe I just keep making bad decisions. How do I break this cycle? I know I am very fortunate and blessed in my life, I have the four most wonderful children I could have ever asked for even though they are at the fighting each other stage that drives me up the wall sometimes. lol I have more friends and family then most people get to have over a lifetime. I do my best to stay optimistic and not let things get me down, I absolutely hate that money has so much control over this world. As rough as things have been lately, lack of money is the biggest issue I face right now. Although it should be easily fixable with the economy the way it is and jobs so scarce it is almost impossible to find a job and that scares the crap out of me. I even tried McDonalds and KFC in Gordonsville, and they are not even hiring! Who has ever heard of a McDonallds that is NOT hiring?!

I just called and checked on my unemployment, I am very excited that it said they cut a check yesterday! Its for $171.00, since they took taxes out but its better then nothing! Now I just have to figure out how to pay Marches rent and bills and I will be ok until I find a job. I have a lead on a job in Smithville, its a fri sat sun 12 hour days but starts at $10.37 an hour, that would be perfect! The only problem is getting up there since I have Anakin all day.

My dryer broke, yes the one I just paid $100.00 for. Luckily my parents don't need my grandfathers old dryer and more so it is sitting in my Aunts shed, they are going to bring it up for me when I have Anakins party.

Jade woke up throwing up with diarrhea, I am hoping it is just a tummy bug and not the other things back! We got through a whole month with everyone healthy!

My baby boy is 3 now! I cant believe it has been 3 years already! I will post birthday pics on here later. Stephen and I started a new thing last year that on the kids birthday one of us takes them to the store and lets them pick anything they want and then we get their big gift for their birthday party. So Stephen took Anakin yesterday and he picked Handy Mandy, I have no idea if I spelt that right. I forgot to have Stephen get candles so I used a tea light on his cake that was outa a gift bag I got from the night before! lol Anakin didn't mind! lol

I went to Bunco sat night and got to drive home in the snow! When I left Merediths it was falling so hard in Murfreesboro that you couldn't see the lines on the road! I almost turned around but was afraid I would get stuck down there and Miss Anakins party, If i would have known I was gonna have to cancel his party anyway, I would have stayed so I could have played in the snow! lol When I got near the way to turn to the speedway on 231, the snow was gone! It snowed just a little up here but not even enough to cover the ground!

I still struggle sometime with the idea this is my life now. Growing up I always imagined getting married and living happily ever after. That just shows life doesn't always work out how you plan. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying the learning or attempting to stand on my own, and be my own person. I am working really hard at figuring out who I am and believing in myself, I feel I have come a long way but I know I still have a long way to go. I do miss having someone there to share my day with. It weird how much you realize the little things you don't give a thought to until they are not there anymore. But I am looking forward to finding out who I am and then having a chance of having that back.