Believing

Well, most of my family know part of what I am about to say, but it was never something I told alot of friends. Back when the Left Behind books came out, I read all the way up to Assassins and instead of helping me believe, it actually gave me alot of doubts. And then 9/11 happened and it just made it worse. I never got to the point where I just didn't believe in God at all, I just wasn't sure what I believed and couldn't make a decision about it. So I just lived like that for the last, however many years its been.

This is coming out now because for the last couple months, I have been really trying to figure this out. I feel like I really want to believe and that with how my life has been the past year, I feel like I really need something to have faith in. But is that ok? Is that a bad reason to be re-thinking this now just because I feel the need to have faith in something? Or is that exactly how its supposed to feel?

I have been doing really well emotionally lately, and kinda feel like if I can reach a decision on this then I will be right where I need to be. I have been afraid of having a "false" faith, if that makes sense. How do I figure this out?