Blog edits...

I dont know if anyone will notice but I removed some posts and edited some. About two weeks ago, I finally opened up to Tanya and she made me realize I needed help. She made me get a dr. appointment. I wasnt going to tell anyone this because I was ashamed of it but I am not anymore. I am on "happy"(anti depressant) pills now. They have helped clear my head so much, the constant state of confusion is gone. The depression I got into was not over the last two years, it was over my kids, not having them with me all the time and missing Starla and Anakin so bad it hurts. I feel more like myself then I have since I moved down here without Anakin. I am happy! Yes, I still miss them so much it hurts, but I am better able to deal with that now, I can actually function when they are not home. This has made me realize the confusion over the divorce was that I was missing them, because if it wasn't for the divorce I would be with them. Thats why I removed those posts, thats all they were was confusion, they were the depression messing with my head, making me think being with Stephen would fix everything, when in reality that is not what I want. It is still a struggle everyday to not have Starla and Anakin, I love them SO much and miss them SO much, that should show how much because I got in that bad of shape because i didn't know how to deal with them not being with me, that is why i am no longer ashamed of anyone knowing I am on anti-depressants, seriously, what mother wouldn't need them when she has to live without all her kids with her??