Is this really my life?

I never imagined I would be a single mom. If someone had told me 10 years, or even 1 year ago that I would be divorced I would have told them they were crazy. I would have told them I had the perfect husband, the perfect marriage, the perfect life. A year ago I had all that, I had everything I ever wanted out of life. You know, most people grow up dreaming of what they want to be, like astronauts, or president, or a nurse, doctor lawyer. My only dream was to get married and raise a big family. Yes, I did want to be a teacher but not enough that the idea of not getting to be a teacher bothered me. I knew as long as I had a family I would be happy with my life. For ten years, I got to live my dream. I guess I was lucky there, some people don't get their dream at all. I am very thankful I was happy for those 10 years. Although I now realize everything was not as perfect as I thought. Yes, I had a great husband, but I have recently found out that I had a husband that held back and didn't talk to me. How can you be married to someone for so long and not talk to them? How can you be miserable and not tell your spouse? I'm not saying he was miserable, but I have a feeling that if he held so much back from me there was at least some point in our marriage that he was not happy at all. That makes me very sad that I was so happy and content with our life together and he might have been just the opposite. I feel as though my whole marriage was a lie, and that hurts. How do I trust another man after the one I loved with all my heart and trusted with every fiber of my being was not completely up front and honest with me and held stuff back because he was worried about my reaction? He wouldn't tell me how he felt about something if he thought it would cause a fight. I am really surprised we lasted 10 years, but I guess that's why we did. And I was always so proud of the fact we didn't fight alot, but again now I know why we didn't.

Will I get another chance? Will I find someone who will love me and only me for who I am just the way I am? Someone who will tell me when I am not being fair or when I mess up and don't realize it? Stephen was my 1st true love, but I don't believe he was the love of my life. If he was the love of my life we would still be together, so since it is not him, did I miss out on finding the love of my life or is it still possible he is out there and will except me and all that comes with me?

I am happy with my life right now, but my mind is already wandering. I cant help but wonder when I will meet someone who will brighten my day just because I heard his voice. I miss the little things like that.