Very long day

Today was a pretty rough day. All four of my babies were sick. It started with Jade, she said she hadn't been feeling well since Friday, so Monday I took her to the doctor. The doc said she had a pretty bad sinus infection and more then likely strep. She said she could swab her throat to do the test but since she had to give her antibiotics for the sinus infection anyway there was really no point to it. She said she shouldn't be real contagious, just try to keep the rest of them from hanging on her. Well, it didn't work! I think they were already "infected". By that night Starla was complaining of her throat hurting and by 2 am Piper woke up with a fever and 30 minutes later Anakin did. So I called the doctor and she called them all in the same antibiotic she gave Jade. Anakin had it pretty rough for awhile, he took a nap and when he woke up his fever had spiked to 104.3, I gave him Motrin and a cool bath and it started to come down. I was ready to take him to the ER if it hadn't started going down. All in all, I think we got through it pretty well.

I'm exhausted, I don't know why I cant sleep! I think I may end up having to go to the doctor myself about this sleeping problem. I just cant sleep, I get tired and wore out but when I lay down, I am wide awake! I may doze out for a few minutes maybe an hour at a time but that's it. I don't even fall asleep during the day. I tried to lay down today when the kids were sleeping and couldn't sleep.

I have realized something the last couple of days. I miss having my kids all the time. Yes the free time is nice, but I miss them being here with me, this every other week is getting harder instead of easier. It was perfect in the beginning, I was a full time mommy one week and single and free to come and go as I please the following week. But the longer it goes on the more I realize its not the life I want, I don't want the single time anymore, I want to be a mom all the time. I want to fix dinner for my kids and help them with homework and get them ready for bed and read stories every night, not every other week. I feel so selfish for wanting them with me all the time, their dad needs them and the time with them too. I want to go back to them only being gone every other weekend and one night a week for a couple hours, but I can't because that's not fair to Stephen or the kids. I agreed to this arrangement and it was even my idea, so now I have to make the best of it.