My blog

This blog started out as a way for friends and family to know what was going on with us, it eventually turned into a sounding board for all my pain and confusion. While it has helped me work through so much, i hate what it has become. I may still use it as a sounding board from time to time if i need to, although i think i am past that need(i will explain this). I will do my best to get this blog back to its roots and share what is going on with us.

First i am going to start by explaining what i meant by not needing this as a sounding board anymore. Over this past weekend, Jeannie and i watched the movie "What Dreams May Come" when it was over, i fell apart. I admitted everything ive felt, everything thats been basically eating me alive through the past year & a half to my sister. We cried an talked til 3 in the morning. Its strange but it was as if i literally felt pieces of my heart coming back together. In this i realized that as much as Stephen & I want to stay friends for the sake of our children, until we have both moved on we need to limit our contact to only when necessary. i explained it to him & then removed him from myspace & facebook. i just hope he really did understand.

ok onto the basics of us. i dont remember if i mentioned, Jade, Piper & i are living with Jeannie & Jason(her boyfriend). We will live here while i get through school and then we are going to stay for Jeannie to get her GED & take some kind of schooling herself. Its been going really good. We are all happy here. I am absolutely in heaven when Starla & Anakin are here as well.
Jade is now going to Christiana Middle & Piper is going to Christiana Elementary. They absolutely LOVE their schools! they get off the bus in the afternoon all smile & so bouncy they drive us crazy most of the evening! lol! I love seeing my kids happy! In other news..lol.. I have a date tonite. this will actually be my 1st date ever! can you believe that? im 28 and just now going on my 1st date! lol. i am excited & scared & nervous! lol I think im ready for this, i am hoping i am. Sometimes you just gotta take that leap of faith ya know? His name is Matt hes 32. I actually met him once 10 years ago when i worked at Kroger. He came in one night and asked me out, Stephen & i were separated at the time but i still loved him & felt that would have been cheating on him so i didnt go. Our paths have recently crossed again & we talked a bit before we realized we had met once before. I have always believed everything happens for a reason, so i believe he has been brought back into my life for a reason. The idea of an actual date, with someone i dont know much about scares the crap outta me but i also find it intriguing lol. This is new to me, ive never done that. When i was younger & had boyfriends they were friends of Michaels so i knew them 1st, Stephen & i were friends 1st. So wish me luck! Lol
well i think thats it for now, my fingers are getting tired, i cant wait to be able to write on this online again instead of through my phone