What a week!

Jade and Piper were gone ALL week! I absolutely HATED it!! By Saturday I couldn't do anything but cry! I am so lost when all my kids are gone! Stephen let me pick them up Saturday night! I was SO thankful! On the way home they wanted to stop and see Evan since he was at moms, so we stopped and visited, we got to see mom, dad, Evan, Michael and Brittany. On the way home they asked if Aunt Jeannie and Uncle Jason were home I told them they were at a party at Aunt shells, so we went by there and visited for a little. I think we finally got home at 2am! lol Piper crawled in my bed and passed out! It was funny tho cause she kinda balled up in my blanket with even her head covered, you couldn't even tell she was in there except the one little foot sticking out! lol Thats how i found her! lol

I have absolutely LOVED getting to know my brother! He is going to try to come down with his boys in July! I am so excited about it! I showed the kids his and his sons pictures, Jade and Starla are excited about having more cousins and another uncle! Piper and Anakin said "yay" and were happy but they are to little to really understand lol. I am so proud that my kids cherish family the way I do! Stephen and i always did our best to teach them how important family is!

A couple more weeks and I get to have ALL 4 of them for a week! I am SO excited!! I cant wait! I MISS them SO much! I seriously only feel like half of me without them all! I cant help but regret moving down here and putting myself into that choice of letting two of them live with Stephen. Although I do know how much it has meant to him and them! I know in my heart its only right that he gets to raise two of them, its just hard everyday to get my head to accept that I will never have all 4 of my kids! Its killing me, it hurts so much everyday. i feel like i am missing their life! I have decided when i get through school and Jeannie get through school and we move from here, I am going back to Smith County. I really don't want to, I love being so close to family here and there is so much more down here and nothing for me there, but I cant live so far from my kids forever! I need to be close enough to see them during the week!

I am going to start looking for a job tomorrow. I have been taking care of Evan and the house work & Jeannie and Jason were paying me for it so that I had money for what we need. But its getting to stressful keeping up after 3 adults and 3 kids all the time that its making me hate being here! So we are changing the situation before things go bad. I am going to look for a 3rd shift so that i can still do things with the kids at school from time to time. Since they are both in school ill actually sleep during the day lol. Every time in the past I done 3rd I was up all day with kids! lol So this will be a little odd. lol