Time for the truth

Through everything stephen and i have done our best to remain friends. We do good for awhile and dont fight but then it blows up and we do. I know we are both tired of this. Today i realized i am a good part of the cause of this. When we first split up i tried so hard to convince everyone that i was ok, that i ended up making myself believe it, so i never dealt with the emotions of losing my husband, the love of my life. Now a year later it has all really hit me, and hit me hard. There is an immense anger that hits me sometimes for no reason at all that stephen was able to let go and move on so easily. When i think about it though if i would have dealt with it instead of acting like i was fine and acting like it didnt bother me that my marriage was falling apart or that the man that was supposed to love me forever quit loving me, then i too would probably be moving on and be ok right now. Instead, because i was to proud to show that it was killing me, i am now having to face this and its not pretty. I can not pretend anymore that i am ok or that i am as strong as everyone thinks i am. Its time to admit the truth and deal with it