FLAMEGAS

I have had a lot of difficulty lately with my feelings and trying to figure out what I want. While I am still heartbroken by everything, I think I am starting to realize that this may be for the best. Stephen and I never really did have much in common, I am really not sure how we made it work for so long. I do miss him and I think a part of me always will, but I think that may be because he was a part of my everyday life for so long. We are still going to try to be friends, and I do hope we can, I do still need to be able to talk to him. I was really down yesterday because I have been worried this week that I am not going to be able to support the kids financially. I think once I find another job I will be OK. I am anxious to find something and be able to support us on my own. Aside from the child support I don't want to have to depend financially on Stephen at all. I know he would never hesitate to help us if we needed it, I just want to be independent and not need it. I know I still have a rough road ahead of me, but I am working on convincing myself that I am strong enough to handle this or anything else life throws at me. I do still break down every once in awhile, but I am an emotional person so I guess I should expect that.
I have an interview tomorrow for a position in Mt. Juliet, it pays $10.00 an hour I think. So keep your fingers crossed for me. We did find out we are not getting what we expected for the stimulus check, we will only get $1800 instead of $2400, we HAVE to get bunks for Piper and Anakin and new mattresses for Jade and Starla, the poor girls are still sleeping on the some bunk bed mattress they have had since 2001! We were supposed to pay on my van and pay off the title loan on Stephens van, I don't know how we are going to do that now. I am still trying to figure out how to not lose my van. I need it, without it I am really screwed! As of Monday it is going to be 2 payments behind and Triad is having a fit.

I was thinking of somethings as I tried to go to sleep last night and I still couldn't help but laugh out loud. So here are a few of the things Stephen has done at one time or another that no matter how long ago it was or how bad a mood I was in thinking of them always made me laugh.

The most recent was last Christmas when we went to this big Christmas lights thing that you drive through, there was a sponsor sign that said FLAMEGAS, now I can not remember exactly how he pronounced it but Stephen didn't read it as flame gas, he read it as one word. I laughed so hard! I don't think I had ever seen him have such a blonde moment! Even now as I am typing I am chuckling about it!

In 2001 we shared a place with my parents, we had moved the bedrooms around and our king size bed had 2 box spring, well I was sitting on the end of one and I asked Stephen to fix the curtain rod or something, so he stood on the box spring, well I went to get up and he looked like he was going to fly! The end I had been holding down by sitting on popped up and his arms went flailing and he screamed! I was so funny!

The 1st memory I have that I can still laugh over was somewhere around 98-99, I don't remember if I was pregnant with Starla or if she had just been born. We were living in this little house, and had been having trouble with Mice, well Stephen was sitting on the couch one day, watching TV or playing a game, I don't remember. But he all the sudden jumped up and yelled "A mouse ran under my ass!" It was the funniest thing I had ever seen!