Going crazy!

I am going absolutely nuts! I am going to have to be put in a room with pink padded walls! I am so confused with my emotions and in my head I can not figure out what I want! One minute I can not stop crying because I miss my husband and want him back, the next I am so angry I can not stand it, and then when I calm down I am start thinking maybe this is for the best, maybe there is someone else out there for me that will love me forever for just being me. But then I start thinking about the last 10 years and how happy I always was, yes we had a few rough spots but we always pulled through. Then I get furious with Stephen for not telling me sooner about his feeling so that we could work it out before it came down to this, then of course I start thinking I deserve better then him, I deserve someone who will be completely honest with me and not doubt their feelings for me, but then I remember the couple times in our marriage where I doubted my feelings and I think well I can forgive him for this and accept it because he understood when I had doubts, but then I think I told him as soon as I realized it and he didn't tell me, plus there is one HUGE difference between those times. Part of me wants him to come back and say he is still in love with me and the doubts and other problem have went away and there is nothing left there, and the other part of me wants to just get the divorce over with so I can move on with my life. UUUGGGHHHHH! I hate this! Why does life have to be so complicated?! Why couldn't it be that easy? Get married, have kids, raise them, live happily ever after! OK, I have to Quit ranting now I am just confusing myself more!