I just realized I never wrote on here about my cookout. I had a cookout here Saturday for family and a few friends. The reason I wanted to do it was to show my family I am doing OK, well it backfired on me. I pretty much fell apart emotionally! It was nice to see them, it was just harder then I expected. RJ, my brothers friend that has been around so long we consider him family, asked about Stephen and when I said he wasn't coming and he could tell I was fighting tears, he gave me a hug and said everything is going to be OK, that Stephen and I belong together and we will work it out sooner or later. He is like a brother to me, so I know he was trying to make me feel better, but that just kind of made me fall apart more.

That is the part I have been holding back in my writing. Stephen and I have decided to date for awhile. We want to be 100% sure of what we want one way or the other. Its very hard, but in the end it will be worth all the hard times.