It's becoming real

Stephen and I have talked alot but I think everything is just now starting to sink in. I am starting to fall apart. I just want to cry all the time. I guess the 1st week was so easy because it was something new, I was on my own and could do what I wanted. Now I just wish Stephen was here. I miss having him here, and not because of the kids, and not because I don't want to be on my own. I miss him because I am still in love with him just as much as I ever was. I miss him telling me about his ideas for movies or stories, I miss watching him get so excited over them that he looks like he won a million dollars. I miss him laying next to me at night, and feeling so safe because he is there. I miss him making fun of my music because he cant stand country. I miss fussing about having to listen to Family Guy at night when I am trying to get to sleep. I miss getting butterflies in my stomach everyday right before 4:00 because that's when he would pull in the drive. I miss all the stress of the day going away or seeming meaningless just because he came through the door and kissed me. I miss asking him what he wants for dinner and telling him "food" when he asked what we have, and watching the annoyed look on his face because I answered that way every time. I miss his little "giggle" he would do when I would do something he didn't expect and it would tickle him. I miss listening to him rant about "stupid" people. I feel like I have taken for granted the great husband I had. Yes, I bragged on him constantly, I always loved doing that, but when I was home with him, did I really ever show him how much my world revolved around him?