I had the bright idea to drink last night. When you mix wild cherry Pepsi and vodka together, you really can not taste the vodka. I drank a lot more then I meant to and drank it a lot faster then I meant to. I really don't remember much, most of what I do Jeannie and Stephen filled in for me. I pretty much "hit rock bottom," as my sister put it. All I have wanted to do all day is cry. I have been so worried about how everyone else is handling this that I apparently convinced myself that I was fine. I want more then anything to be fine, but right now I am not. I don't know how to be me without Stephen, I don't know how to go on with my life without him. He has been by my side for 10 years, and now at the age of 27 for the 1st time in my life I am alone. I know I have a lot of family and friends, and I have my kids, so I am not technically alone, but having all of them is not the same as having your husband there.